WHEN TRUST IS LOST

 

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Trust is the core and bedrock of any relationship and without is, no relationship can stay healthy.  Trust allows spouses to be vulnerable with one another; feeling safe and secure.  However, it is very paramount to have a full understanding of what trust is all about so that we can be meticulous the way we handle it in our relationships.

What is Trust?

Trust denotes the following:

i.                    Believing in the honesty of our partner;

ii.                  Believing in his or her reliability;

iii.                Having confidence in our partner.

Considering all these definitions, it is so glaring that trust is not something that can be joked with.  A committed relationship is basically on love and trust – these are the major keys of any healthy relationship.  Trust, however, solidifies the bond, intimacy and security of any relationship.

Even though in the society today many relationships are faced with setbacks and challenges which can pose threat to their marital core (trust), it is expected that every partner must play their roles in securing and making their relationship stand the test of time.   More so, trust can be lost if partners fail to keep their integrity and spouse’s expectation.  And once trust is broken, it can take a while to rebuild it.

The question now is “can trust be broken?”  The answer is YES.  Trust can be easily broken if boundaries and priorities are not set.  The adverse of effect of broken or damaged trust can be minor, severe or catastrophic.

Many relationship issues we have in the society today would not have happened if partners are committed to one another and these issues of betrayed trust have become a lengthen and lifetime challenge in our world today.  So many relationships have fallen apart due to this core issue of not being able to measure up to expectations.

Trust is earned, so it is expected that every couple should strive to make their relationship work by doing away with things that can make their partner not to trust them.  Different people are experiencing this issue of insecurity in their relationships because of their personality and lifestyle.

Lifestyle and personality that erode relationship trust includes:

i.                    Infidelity

ii.                  Lies and manipulation

iii.                Withholding

iv.                 Not showing affection to one’s spouse

v.                   Not being there for one’s spouse

vi.                 Being sneaky; when your partner does not know your movement

vii.              Being secretive; not sharing feelings openly with your partner, i.e. keeping feelings to yourself

viii.            Being judgmental

How then can trust be rebuilt?

Although, rebuilding trust can be challenging but the true fact is that it can be rebuilt and regained by adhering strictly to the following:

i.                    Communication: This involves talking about the issue in a mutual and better way, not putting your desires above that of your partner.  Communication bridges gaps in a relationship and it should not be done in a hostile and accusatory manner.  Words used should reflect empathy, be well constructed and not defensive.

ii.                  Be open minded to improvement and self growth.  Both partners must define their requirements, expectations and responsibilities.  More so, the partner who compromised must be ready to change their erratic behaviour and even though it may be hard or painful, they must take full responsibility for their misdeeds and actions, giving and allowing room for transparency and honesty again in their relationship.

iii.                Be ready to forgive: forgiving your partner brings wholeness and completeness to your relationship.  Nobody is above mistake and we are bound to make mistakes in life.  So, whenever we are betrayed or hurt in our relationships, we should strive to forgive and move on.

Lastly, every partner is expected to trust their spouse to avoid grievance, isolation and divorce.

Thank you for reading.

©2020 Ògúnsolá Olúwasayò