TRANSPARENCY IN RELATIONSHIPS

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For any relationship to last, there should be openness in which there is no secret between partners.  However, transparency is one of the salient issues affecting relationships in the society today.  Many partner(s) have what I call a “hidden third world” that they are keeping from their spouse(s).  The hidden third world may be an extra marital affair, pornography, addiction, hidden friend on social media and lots more.  Even though relationships and marriages experience ups and downs, there must be complete transparency between partners.

Transparency in relationships should not be scoffed, overlooked and mocked.  Partners are expected to be vulnerable and available to one another.  The word transparency in relationship is a way of exposing our fears, desires and vulnerabilities to our partner.  In relationships, our partners must be able to see through us and this can only be possible if we are transparent with them.

Transparency does not mean giving up our privacy (that is, thoughts and personal spaces) instead it means having those privacy and spaces and allowing our partner/spouse to have them without fear or guilty conscience.  Transparency is a great and precious gift to marriage and relationship and without it, many partners will feel frustrated, disoriented and disconnected.  Unfortunately, many spouses or partners want their partners to trust and connect emotionally with them but they are not ready to give up their hidden world.  No relationship can survive without transparency in which partners are honest in the way they relate with each other.

Being honest or truthful in relationships clears all form of resentments, promotes longevity, prevent secrets, improves intimacy, fosters security, emotional connection, promotes trust and also allows us to be fully seen.

How then can we be transparent with our Partners?

1.      Mutual agreement and understanding: Partners must concur to shun any form of secret (emotional, sexual, financial and relational) from their relationship.  Also, partners must understand that secrets can threaten the existence of their relationships.

2.     Make your Partner first priority: Your partner deserves to have first hand knowledge of what is going on in your life.  Making your partner your first priority will foster the trust and intimacy between you.

3.     Accessibility: As partners, especially married couples, your partner must have full access to your social media accounts and password.  Also, clearly identify on social media that you are married and you should not be nervous whenever your partner picks up your phone.  Your spouse should be able to access your account anytime without restrictions.

4.     Discuss all: There is danger lurking if we ever get to a point in which we prefer to share details of our lives with someone other than our spouse and especially it becomes a great threat to our home if the person we are sharing these things with belongs to the opposite sex.  Therefore, partners or spouses should make it a practice to talk about every aspect of their lives together.

5.     Let your guard down: This means being free with your partner or spouse.  Part of transparency in relationship is allowing your partner to know the real you, that is, to know you in a way no other person can.  Partners should not hide from each other - we should allow our partners to see us for who we really are.

Lastly, the issue of transparency in relationship should not be overlooked or neglected and couples/partners should strive to be honest with each other so that they can avoid grievance, bitterness and mismatched expectations in their relationships.

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